love ? obsession ? madness ?

25 04 2009

My Definition of LOVE : limitless flow of emotions between two  individuals.

Hriday : my 3 year ol’ nephew. Neha : my bhabhi (sister-in-law)

Hriday would do anything and everything to attract Neha’s attention. He  wants absolute attention of his mom, at any given point. Since last two evenings neha, hriday, ansh(the elder nephew), my brother and myself , we sit together to watch the ongoing T20 cricket tournament. What  happened is as follows :

Hriday was jumpin around Neha….every now and then he would hold her, or would want to be held by her. For a few moments he would play with his car, play with the ball, may be fight with his elder bro…..than again he would reach out to his mom – hugging her, sitting in the lap, kissing her, smiling at her, talking with her and so on. For a few moments he went back to his toys. But even while playing with his car he  shouted to his mom wanting her to see hows he driving it.  He then jumped, ran across the room just moving here and there; while he was having his fun…he kept shouting to his mom. Whatever he did, whatever he spoke (or shouted) – Neha had to respond.

It just doesnt end here. Attention is not the only thing he wants from his mom. He also wants absolute right over his mothers lap. So any attempt of Ansh to take that place attracted immediate reaction. He is such a cute devil that while he was seated on the throne he actually told to Ansh that – Mom is mine, You may have Dad.

Eventually he got tired, and fell asleep in his mom’s lap. It still doesnt end here.

As he was asleep Neha thought that now the ‘game’ is over. My brother helped by lifting Hriday and making him comfortable on the couch. In less than 5 seconds I hear a little cry. It was Hriday. While  almost in sleep and in a semi conscious state he starts to crawl and gets back into his mothers lap.

Attention, Possesiveness, Access – So very common in a mother – child relation.

We smile and say thats LOVE.

Now, cut to a different scenario. Imagine this very same dynamics, in the very same intensity between two ‘adults’. To continue with the ongoing example and characters- imagine if its me and Neha. A brother-in-law craving for absolute attention, feeling possesive and wanting accessibility to/for his sis-in-law. How does it sound? Picture any two young adults, having this intensity and intimacy – like a child has for his mother…how would you respond?

It amazes me how the same very dynamics that we saw earlier between a mother and child, if seen between two adults evokes different emotions to the third party. The ‘oddness’ of it magnifies if the two involved adults belong to opposite genders. I am not being judgemental here. Its a fact that we all know. More amusing is the fact that even the involved adults tend to deny this innateness. I have seen saint-like noble adults becoming uncomfortable and denying this proximity.

Probable reasons could be : 1 – societal values (which sees a mother – child innocently, but denies seeing any other relation in the same light)

2 – (if opposite genders) a moral conflict is followed.  The sexuality would turn the perceptions even more extra ordinary.

But I am not discussing reasons here… its just that I am amused as i have witnessed these starkly different reactions, to two occurances , which in my perception are so similar.

Attention, Possesiveness, Access – in a non- mother child relation;

We frown and say thats OBSESSION.

Now, try and stretch this imagination still more further. Imagine the same dynamics occuring between an elderly person and a young adult. (No we are not talking Nishabd or Lolita here). Take for example a father-in-law and a daugter-in-law or say a young adult and a middle aged neighbour. Its not that affection does not exist in any such relations. We see such relations around us. But we tend to keep them within certain ‘acceptable’ limits. What if its limitless, natural and innate and proximal like a mother-child equation.

No that should not be done. “Every relation has to have limits” – is how we react.

Attention, Possesiveness, Access – in such a relation;

We pucker our eyebrow and say thats MADNESS.

Still in my mind is the image of sleepy Hriday crawling into his mothers lap. Cant this happen elsewhere? Is it compulsory that this can happen only within individuals of existing societal entity called family?

I really dont think so.

If a child is obsessed with his mother its called LOVE; if the mother loves her/his friend like his/her child its called OBSESSION; and if the mother is loved by some middle – aged neighbour its called MADNESS!

We say that we humans thrive on love; but it seems most of the times we resist love.

All i wanted to say is LOVE or OBSESSION or MADNESS its all one and the same. They are just words invented to brand the inexplicable. And what amuses me most is the behaviour whereby WE DENY SEEING THE OBVIOUS WHERE WE OUGHT TO, WHEREAS WE WANT TO SEE BEYOND THE OBVIOUS WHERE WE SHOULDNT BE.

So if you want love, be prepared for some obsession and madness; and if you are giving love, dont miss out on obsession and madness in your concoction.

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3 responses

26 04 2009
rajvi

because in the END its that one moment of madness,obsession,love that makes all the difference n takes u to the states of being tat were previously not known to u… 🙂

28 04 2009
Neha

Everyone has a different mask for every relation and they put them on when and where required.
Everyone has a different meaning for all those words u used…love..madness…obsession…possesiveness.
But i strongly belive no relation is complete or worth without all those indgredients…otherwise its just another mask ur wearing!!

28 04 2009
mihirgajrawala

bitter it may sound…we are so afraid to get rid of those masks!!!!!

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