The Two ends of a relation – A Passing Thought

14 05 2009

Why do i behave so differently while receiving and while giving of the same thing ?!?
Why? I fail to understand this behaviour of mine. When I receive something – could be a thing or an emotion – from someone I tend to take him/her for granted. On the other hand when I am the giver I desire the receiver to NOT take me for granted; I desire him/her to consider my ‘giving’ special. I desire acknowledgments, I desire a special response.

Not that I am a cold receiver; but it’s definitely not the way while I am the giver.

Let me try and interpret this for myself.

Hypothesis 1 : “I give, because I ‘love’; while I receive, because I am being ‘loved’ ”

There is a fundamental difference in loving and being loved. The former is a process with active involvement while the latter is a passive act. For example, say its your birthday and I wish to give you a gift. So I will think of different gifting ideas, will search for those things, might also put in my own art/craft skills to make what I want to give you.  I will be thinking about it night and day, visualizing your expressions on receiving and similar other thoughts would occupy me.  Now, suppose I am in receipt of some such ‘gift’ on my birthday; I just can’t know or understand the entire process that the giver might have gone through. At best I can just receive.

Now, within a relationship, it becomes important that both involved should play both the roles. If my giving you, promts you to give me back, and so on and so forth than the dichotomy would cease. This continous shifting role play makes the relationship so very exciting and I think there would be a stage when one doesn’t realise that whether one is giving or receiving!!!!!That experience is what I understand as BLISS!

Hypothesis 2 : ” I give, because of uncertainty & fear while I receive because some one is uncertain & insecure for me”

Here also, the fear (of losing) or uncertainty of relation makes the giver much more alert and active and involved than the receiver. The receiver by no means can match the degree of intensity of the givers emotions. For example, say things are strained between you and me for some emotional reasons. Its just not going well since some time. But I do not wish to let you go. So I put in efforts, think of ideas to excite you by expressing in a non-verbal fashion, by planning a surprise date full of special things etc. Now, if I am receiving this I may or may not be so excited as the one who is giving this moment to me.

This kind of exchange, I believe would lead to ‘reciprocity’. A relationship wherein I would just reciprocate to the opposite persons action. I react because I do not wish to be labelled as insensitive or insipid. Such equations are what I term as being ‘practical’ or ‘pragmatic’.

Hypothesis 3 : “I give, out of some  formality, and I receive, because of a prescribed social rule”

Not much to say here.  The most ideal example would be a wedding reception. But than I do subscribe to it as this is what gives me my social standing.

These three Hypothesis tells me the probable causes for my behavior. To an extent they answer the question with which I started off  “Why do i behave so differently while receiving and while giving of the same thing ?!?” At the end of it, I believe that the dichotomy is my nature. (I don’t think I am the only such being, maybe all are alike)

Depending on my interpretation of a particular relation (which are highly distinctive) I  subscribe to either of the above mentioned hypothesis. I must also understand that the three hypothesis are not mutually exclusive – all three might be working in a single relation at the same time.

 And depending on the other persons interpretation either of the following experience awaits……

Bliss…Pragmatics… Formality…awaits!